Crazy Christina
by Horrorxxxgirl
Summary: Freaky Fred brings home a girlfriend to his aunt Muriel. The lyrics they speak were originally done by Christina Aguilera. MurielxEustace. FredxOC. Cover image art is by me.


"Come here big boy and I shall make you my toy," she purred to Fred as she grabbed Fred by the tie and spun him closer to her, so they were nose to nose. Smile to smile. They gazed into each other's eyes as Muriel and Eustace watched on with their dog, Courage. The pink dog felt something rise in his bones. Fear.

This couldn't end well. Did anything in Nowhere? Fred kissed the stranger, who rolled her head back. "You've been a naughty boy," she purred, pulling him up the stairs. He followed like someone who was in a spell.

Courage bet she could walk off a cliff and Fred would follow her to his death. Eustace threw his newspaper down and thumped to the stairs when Muriel spoke. "Where are ya goin', Eustace?" she asked in her typically cheerful tone.

"If their going upstairs to...to...to," Eustace knew the word he wanted, but with Courage sitting on the sofa, looking at him, it felt wrong to say. As if Courage was a small child. "...cut hair on our bed, I would like to point them in the direction of our front door!"

"Eustace! Let my nephew have some fun. It's not everyday he brings a girlfriend home," said Muriel. Apparently she had no idea what word Eustace wanted to use. "Do you know how hard it is for him to get a girlfriend? Specially at Home for Freaky Barbers?"

The old farmer grumbled and thumped back to his chair. Before he took his seat, he threw Courage a snarl. Courage shrank back from him. He has done nothing. Nothing at all today. "Stupid kids," growled Eustace as he sat and cracked his paper back open.

She had pulled Fred into the master bedroom. She sat the lanky barber onto the bed but still held onto his tie. "I'm gonna take my time, so enjoy as I get naughty," she purred, pushing him down onto the bed. She crawled on top of him. "There's no need to feel no shame, even a freaky barber needs to be tame."

Fred flushed a bright red as she rested, sitting back on her knees. She let go of his tie. "Relax and clip upon my head. Clip my hair on their bed," she purred. "Cause I wanna give you a little taste of the sugar below my waist, you naughty boy."

Fred's eyes grew wild as she peeled her shirt off, revealing a black leather corset. She giggled at the barber. "I got you breaking into a sweat! Got you hot, bothered, and wet! You nasty pet!" she howled. She dipped in for a kiss again. "Nasty naughty boy."

"Oh, Christina, baby, my naughty Christina, for all it's worth I swear I'll be the first to blow your mind. We will be the first of our kind," smirked Fred, who peeled off his jacket and shirt. "Now if you're ready, come and get me because I've been naughty."

Christina suddenly had him in a barber's chair, tied up, "I'll give you that hot, sweet, sexy, scissor cutting," she purred into his ear. "Hush now, don't say a word, I'm gonna give you what you deserve because you've been naughty."

Courage, who had been watching through the crack in the door, did a silent cheer within himself. She would take care of Fred? Oh she was a good guy! But what if like Freaky Fred, she was Crazy Christina? She did rhyme like Fred. Courage watched as she placed a razor against Fred's neck from behind.

Maybe she was good, after all! "Now you better give me a little taste, before you lay my hair to waste," she purred to Fred, who seemed to be enjoying almost having his neck slit. Courage went downstairs, having faith that Christina was a good guy. Christina danced in front of Fred, slowly removing her big skirt to reveal a short little latex skirt. "Put your icing on my cake, you naughty boy."

Fred glanced down then back at Christina and her head full of hair. "Oh no, oh there I go again," he giggled. "I have a feeling I'm going to get naughty."

Christina grabbed both arms of the chair and got nose to nose with Fred once more. "I need a shaving, 'cause I've been naughty."

"Hand me my razor, I'll let it do it's job," purred Fred. "Let it shave off your hair like the hair on a corn cob."

"I think we let your body do the talkin' long enough, Freddy," giggled Christina.

"I'll slip you that hot, sweet, sexy razor shaving," purred Fred into Christina's ear. "Goodbye, you're hair is waving."

Christina now sat in the barber chair and Fred behind her. Shaving off her long blonde locks. "Ohh, ha! Come on daddy!" moaned Christina as Fred shaved her head. To a freaky barber, this was orgasmic. "Ohh ohh, ohh ohh oh yeah! Oh yeaah oh, come on, Freddie!"

Hand in hand, Chrissy and Freddie descended down the stairs.

Bringing with them fear and terror in the air.

Down stairs, the dog was nowhere in sight.

They got down to it, since he did not have a bite.

Chrissy danced over to Muriel, slicing her throat from behind.

The blood that came forth smelled of a pork rind.

She dragged her dying self into the kitchen for her husband

As Chrissy and Freddie, kissing and dancing behind her, for Eustace, his clock was out of sand.

Freddie jumped over Muriel, over to Eustace, with a twirl his face was gone!

It seemed the dying couple were just a couple of barber pawns.

Christina pinned Muriel down, scalping the old woman. Once her scalp was raw and bloody, Christina used her scalped hair to cover her newly shaven dome. Fred shaved Eustace's flesh off, until there was a pile of flesh flakes surrounding Fred's feet. Fred grabbed Christina's hand and led her to the door way of the kitchen and living room. Courage opened the back door, stepping into a puddle of Muriel's blood.

He didn't scream right away, it was taking his brain a moment to register. They had been in some pretty awful jams but all this blood, the dead bodies of his owners, this scene made him want to be dead. To join Muriel. Courage was back to being a stray. Facing the evil crud that came to Nowhere, Kansas by himself.

This was the worst jam ever. Courage didn't even scream. He curled up next to the scalped Muriel, licking her hand like he did just this morning. Something made his ear perk up. Oh. Christina. He forgot that they were still here. "Of course I'll marry you, Fred!" gushed Christina. "Now, take me to bed!"

Courage lowered his ears. Until his eyes caught sight of what was on Christina's head and what had stained their flesh and clothes. Blood. Courage screamed, drawing Fred and Christina to him. Fred grabbed the dog and brought him into the living room.

"You think we should keep him as a pet, my pet?" asked Fred. "For the children we shall have, every child needs to have a laugh."

Christina grabbed at Courage's neck. "Not if our children are anything like their father," she said, kissing Fred's nose. Christina broke Courage's neck. "Naughty, naughty, naughty."

She pulled Courage's head from the body and bowled it into the kitchen. Fred grabbed her and pulled her into a deep kiss as Courage's body bled out around their feet.


End file.
